Newtown

 

I didn’t know if I was going to write anything about the horrible tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School.  It wasn’t because I was hoping that if I didn’t speak about it, that it would just go away.  I was because I was literally speechless.

FRIDAY DECEMBER 14, 2012

Last Friday started out as every other day.  I rushed my own children out of the house.  I got myself ready to go to our typical PLC Friday morning meeting.  We went through the motions, the bell for first period rang and I was greeted by students.  For 45 minutes, my 11^th and 12^th grade Anatomy students had a lively review game about joints and muscles.  It was fun.  A student asked me a question about a slightly unrelated topic and I didn’t have the answer.  I opened up my internet, Yahoo! popped up, and there it was, all over the front page.

I forgot what the student had even asked me.  I sat down in my desk chair and the look on my face must have been that of total horror.  My students started asking “Miss?  Are you ok?”  I couldn’t speak.  Students came over to look at my screen.  They couldn’t speak either.  I began to have a panic attack, thinking of my own children, a mile across town in their own school.  I frantically began looking to figure out WHERE, WHERE DID THIS HAPPEN? 

The bell rang… students left. More students came in,  some talking about the shooting.  Freshman and sophomores with cell phones.  Texts between them, and from their parents.  They were scared but acting tough.  They were spreading inaccurate rumors.  Fear that it happened in OUR district.  In every class period for the rest of the day, I had to address it.  I was telling myself “stick to the facts, just say what you know happened for sure.”  But every time I got to the part where I had to tell my students that it was kindergarteners (that’s what was being reported at the time)that were killed, I started crying.  Not just a couple of tears, but full on sobbing. I kept thinking about my own Kaylee, 6 years old, and how alone and scared she would have been.  How she would have been crying out for me, and how I wouldn’t have been there to help her.

My “tough guy” urban high school students have thick skins.  At least it appears that way on the outside.  But over the past few days, I can see the fear.  They have asked, “could this happen here, Miss?”  As a responsible educator, I have to comfort them.  We have gone over our safety plan.  We’ve discussed lockdown procedures.  But even these high school kids are scared.  Yesterday, we were facing rumors that someone is going to shoot up our school on Friday.  An “end of the world/apocalypse” type shooting.  No one can say who is going to do this, it’s a general air of “I heard someone say that someone said” type of thing. 

The biggest problem is, every high school in our district is “hearing” the same thing.  Kids say they won’t be coming to school on Friday.  Our attendance numbers will be very low.  It is an extreme case of mass hysteria, and to be honest, I don’t blame the kids or their parents at all for keeping their children home tomorrow.  I think it is actually irresponsible of the district to hold classes tomorrow.  We don’t ever take “snow days”, so what is the harm in shutting it all down for one day and adding the day onto the back end of the year?  Please.  Let us spend time with our families a day early and hope this insanity goes away over the break.

 

MY “REAL” KIDS

I often call my students “my kids” because they are.  I am fully responsible for them the hour and 15 minutes that they are in my class.  In loco parenti.  It is my job to try and mold them to not only think scientifically, but to help them become better people.  I also have 3 children of my own.  10, 8 and 6.

Part of my stress last Friday was “do my children know what happened?  Are the adults at their school telling them about it?  Are they scared?  Do they think this happened at MY high school?”  As soon as my school day was over I rushed home to hug my kids.  I began weeping uncontrollably.  They were home, safe and excited to see me!  Then, beautiful words from my 6 year old “Mommy, why are you crying?” 

She had been protected from the horror of the day. The innocence of MY first grader had been preserved, while the innocence of 20 others had been taken. My husband and I briefly explained the events of that day to our children and assured them that they were going to be OK.  We didn’t watch the news for DAYS (I’ve seen more episodes of Cake Boss on Netflix than I care to admit...my 8 year old LOVES that show!) and my husband and I do not really discuss the events in front of our kids.

Last night, I took my family out to dinner.  Kaylee, my 6 year old first grader was so proud of herself.  She ordered her own meal, made her own salad at the salad bar, talked to a police officer who happened to be dining near us, and bragged about how she can write her numbers up to 120 and that she is reading at a 3^rd grade level.  After dinner, on the way out to the car, she was holding my husband’s hand and skipping.  I was taken aback by how tiny her body looked standing next to him, how full of life she was and how vulnerable she could be . Her giggles filled the cold night air. A tear streamed down my cheek.  THIS is what a 6 year old should be doing 5 days before Christmas, not being buried. 

Newtown Connecticut, I am so sorry for your loss.  Words cannot even express the sorrow that I feel.  My heart aches for you.  I see my daughter’s face, in the eyes of each of your children.

Teacher Evaluations and the CPS Strike

Gather around kids.  Sit on the carpet, Indian style.  I have a story to tell you.

Story Time:

This story is about Jack.  Jack is a hard worker.  He comes to work every day.  He does whatever is asked of him.  He doesn’t make the highest salary in his office, but he does OK for himself.  He has “OK” health benefits but has to pay for his family to be on his policy. He contributes to his retirement fund by matching what his employer put in. He gets a decent amount of vacation that he rarely takes because money is tight and he has so many other things he needs to get done for his job.

Jack has a co-worker named Joe.  Joe is the son of the company President.  Joe hates his job at the company.  He only shows up because his father MADE him work.  Joe’s dad says if he doesn’t hold a full time job for at least 12 years, he won’t be able to collect his inheritance.  Joe has a bad attitude and demeans and curses at his coworkers.  Joe hasn’t lifted his finger to do a single ounce of work, ever, in his tenure at the office. There is no reasoning with the President.  He thinks his son is amazing and deserving.  Joe will never be fired.  Most people in the office (and in life outside the office) try to avoid Joe.

So, one day, Jack is going about his business.  Jack is getting the millions of little tasks that he is required to do done.  Jack is even helping out other coworkers that need a hand.  Right after lunch, Jack’s supervisor calls Jack into her office.

“Jack” she says “I have a special task for you.”

Jack is eager to accommodate, so he says “Yes boss, I can do anything!  What would you like me to do?”

Well, the annual board meeting is coming up in less than a week.  I need you to prepare for that.

Jack is so excited!  “Oh wow!  I get to present to the board!  This is a huge responsibility!!!  I will not let you down!”

“Jack, I didn’t fully finish explaining what I want you to do.  You see, the President of the company wants JOE to do the presentation.  He wants his son to be able to prove that he is capable of possibly running the company in the future.  I want you to help PREPARE JOE to do the presentation in a week.”

Now, Jack is slightly defeated.  Jack wanted to prove that HE was the one that was capable, but soon his positive attitude is restored and he agrees to take on the task.  Jack says, “I will get Joe ready!”

Jack leaves his supervisor’s office and finds Joe immediately.  “Joe!” he says “Have you heard the good news?  You get to do the annual presentation to the board this year!”

Joe replies, “Who the fuck are you?”

Jack is taken aback, but continues with enthusiasm.  “Don’t worry about who I am, I am here to help you Joe. Together we can do this.”

Joe says “I’m not doing anything.”

Jack is shocked, “But…but.. why not?  This is important to the company, it’s important to your father, and it is really important to me!”

Joe retorts, “I’ve never had to do anything in my life.  This entire thing is bullshit.  I wish my father would die now so I don’t have to endure the hell that is this life he is making me pretend to be a part of.”

Jack is offended.  This job is his life.  “Well, Joe, you have to have some ideas about what should be part of this presentation.  Tell me about them.  I want your voice to be heard!  Maybe by speaking up the company can fix the problems it has.  We can go in the direction you want.  You are a fresh set of eyes with new innovative ideas.  Tell me!  Tell me so we can put it in the presentation.”

Joe smirks and says, “You really want my input?  OK.. here’s the first slide.  Tell them to all fuck off and die. “

Jack is frustrated, so he goes to talk to his supervisor.  He pleads with her.  He explains that he is working so hard.  SO HARD!  And that Joe just doesn’t care.  She tells him it isn’t her problem. He has to MAKE Joe care.  Joe has never had any success in his life, ever before, and it is Jack’s job to not only make Joe care, but to make him the super star of the company. 

“Oh, and by the way Jack…If Joe fails, you will get a negative evaluation, no salary increase, and we may possibly fire you.  If Joe fails, you have failed to do YOUR job.”

Jack doesn’t know what to do.  Why doesn’t Joe want to be a part of this?  There is so much riding on this.  Jack uses his laptop to start creating the presentation.  He goes over each talking point deliberately and distinctly with Joe.  Day after day.  Most of the time Joe is sitting behind his computer,  checking Facebook.  One morning Joe fell asleep in his chair.  Sometimes while Jack is going over a key point, Joe takes a phone call from his girlfriend and shoos Jack out of his office. One afternoon, Joe comes back from lunch so drunk that he passes out in his office chair.  4 of the days, right before the presentation, Joe doesn’t even show up to work.

Jack is sweating bullets.  The day of the board meeting arrives and he hasn’t seen Joe in 4 days.  Jack is ready to take over and deliver the presentation to save the day.  But, 3 minutes before things are to begin, Joe shows up.  He is dressed well, in a suit and tie.  He appears clean and sober.  MAYBE. MAYBE Joe has turned the corner!  Jack has hope.  Jack has seen the glimmer of genius that Joe has.  Jack has done everything in his power to make Joe feel valuable and to sense the urgency of this presentation.  Jack has given Joe all the tools to “pass the test”.  Jack is hopeful. 

Joe stands in front of the board, welcomes the ladies and gentlemen to the office and turns around and tells them to kiss his ass.

The President of the company turns to Jack and fires him immediately.

Is this fair?  Would you want your work evaluations to be based on the progress that a CO-WORKER makes? 

This is absurd.  My story is ABSURD! But this is what they are trying to work into the contract of Chicago Public School teachers and other teachers around the country.  If your students don’t show enough improvement on their standardized tests, you will be reprimanded and possibly terminated.

Go back and read the story again… with the mindset that Jack is a representative of the hard working teachers of this country.  Joe is a representative of many of our students that have zero motivation and consider school little more than torture, and do everything in their power to bring those around them down.  Joe knows full well he was never in danger of “losing”, so he can behave however he’d like.  He has no stake other than to “attend 12 years mandatory by law”.  He can do nothing, act like a jackass and embarrass others and SOMEONE ELSE WILL TAKE THE FALL.

Problems with the system

Students.  Who can be passed from one grade to the next even if they fail ALL their classes. Who have never been held accountable for a standardized test score a day in their life.  Students who, when they don’t like a teacher because they are “hard”, “tough” or set high standards, could purposely TANK the test to try and get the teacher fired. Who like Joe, as much as you love them and try to teach them, at the end of the day may still tell you to get fucked.

Parents. They are working all day and when they get home, they are tired, I get it.  But parents are expecting schools to not only teach content and manners, but also instill DRIVE TO BE SUCCESSFUL in their kids.  News flash: kids learn by watching what YOU do.  If you aren’t DOING what you want your kids to be doing, at least talk to them and TELL them what they SHOULD be doing and give them some guidance.

Test scores.  Scores that have no relevance in college acceptances, promotion to the next grade, or any bearing on the STUDENT at all.  Over testing of students at all levels leads them to believe that NO test is important.

Administrators.  I have administrators in my room at least once a week.  Because I work at a high profile/low achievement/”turn-a-round” school there are constantly people in my room observing me.  I love it.  I cherish the feedback. I want my evaluation to be based on what my SUPERVISORS see in me on a daily basis.  Just like you have at YOUR job.  Hell, at my “private sector” job I used to basically WRITE my own evals.  If administrators don’t think I am being effective in my classroom, it is their responsibility to address it BEFORE students take a test.  I shouldn’t be getting glowing remarks about my teaching all year long and then based on ONE TEST be considered ineffective? If I appear to be doing all the right things in the classroom and students are still doing poorly on the test, maybe there are other factors then the TEACHING. Why is this system so REACTIVE instead of proactive.

Why work at a low achieving school? Teachers take a lot of shit from EVERYONE.  Everyone says “you are doing it wrong!” and everyone seems to have the answers, but no one wants to get their hands dirty.  So we try THIS idea, and then THAT idea, and then OVER HERE THIS IDEA, and then back to OMG THAT IDEA AGAIN.  My teaching has changed more in the past 3 years then it had in the previous 9 combined. 

I’m not afraid of the system.  I am damn good at what I do.  The majority of my students are successful.  The few that are NOT, well, I try to help them anyway.  The problem is WHAT QUALIFIES AS SUCCESSFUL? Is 70% pass rate fair?  Who designs the test? 

 According to No Child Left Behind, unless every single child is proficient, we are not GOOD enough. Ask children if their teachers were good or bad.  Most will tell you that the teacher taught, they just didn’t want to learn it (for whatever reason). 

Why do I have to be held responsible for the apathy of a generation?  Is that fair?  When do parents need to be accountable for instilling a sense of drive in their children? Most days, my job as a teacher isn’t just delivering content and managing behavior problems.  I am a coach, a cheerleader, a motivational speaker for many of my students.  I do my best, just like Jack, to get students to understand the sense of urgency about their future.  And how their future is very bleak without education.

So, in reality… if you are going to tie my evaluation to student achievement… what is keeping me here?  Why would I stay at a low income title 1 school?  I could go to a better school, with more motivated kids, and meet my goal every year!  If you think urban school are bad now, wait for the MASS EXODUS of people like me.  People that WANT TO WORK HERE, and want to make a difference, but also would like to remain employed. 

I guess in the end, what it is really all about is… ask yourself:

Would you want your work evaluation tied to someone else’s successes and failures?  Would you be OK with being in Jack’s shoes?  If not, don’t force teachers into it.